The Freedom in Boundaries

Koda, our rescue dog.

As a Time Mastery coach, I help clients take back control of their schedules so they can get back to the lives they are meant for and deserve. There is rarely a coaching session that doesn’t end up in a conversation around boundaries to achieve success along the way.  

Establishing boundaries helps to break the cycle of taking on everyone else’s priorities as your own, whether in your business or personal life.  As parents, partners, adult children and friends, women in particular often attach their worth to the ability to serve. 

But what happens when we lose ourselves in the process of serving others?  When we give and give until there is nothing left of “us”? How is it we give of ourselves until our cup is empty and then still expect to manage our lives and our schedules effectively? 

News flash:  you aren’t able to serve wholeheartedly when you’ve given it all away.

This summer, Jeff and I installed a fence to keep one of our dogs on our property. Before being rescued in Texas, Koda most likely spent his first seven months as a wanderer just trying to survive.  

Koda’s hound nose, combined with his wandering past, have made for a challenging combination (huge understatement). He simply cannot stay focused on where his boundaries are. He is incapable of staying on task unless it is to follow a scent. Staying in the yard was no exception.

After endless failed attempts with training, positive reinforcement, shock collars and invisible fences, the physical fence became our final effort to keep him safe and to keep him home. 

The upgrade was finished in early August. Koda amazed me in the days and weeks that followed.  What I saw was completely unexpected.  Where I thought he would feel limited, I saw a sense of freedom. I had feared he would pace the fence line like a tiger who wanted to be on the other side. There was none of that. 

He seemed somehow freer.

Koda was happier, more well-behaved (not like a “Retriever” well-behaved, but noticeably improved) and even calmer.  My sweet boy finally understood “home.” 

The answer for him was boundaries, physical boundaries. I did not expect the positive changes that have become the new normal for him. The visual reminder was what he needed.

Now, full disclosure: we still can’t leave him unattended in the yard for too long, as I discovered recently. Koda can dig like an excavator when he’s on a mission. Lesson learned. He will need continual reminders of where his boundaries are.

Don’t we all.

While it's not always realistic to set physical boundaries for ourselves, the analogy still came quickly. 

We all need reminders of our limitations to keep ourselves healthy, safe and focused. 

Here are a few ideas to keep our own boundaries in focus:

1. Set up Tasks or Events in your calendar every day to stay aware of the time you are allowing yourself to rest, reset and rejuvenate. Start to create the habit that will keep you on your list.

2. Set a non-negotiable date with yourself once a week. Even if only for thirty minutes, you will come to value that time and honor it (and hopefully expand the time you allow yourself too!). 

3. Set reminders for Spaciousness, a practice used in meditation.  There is always a space between action and reaction, where we get to decide what will happen next. Before your hand flies up to say Yes, think about your own needs. It’s really ok to say no sometimes. 

For the record, setting clearer boundaries doesn’t have to be a public broadcast. The appointment/task/reminder is with ourselves. Treat it as a meeting with a client. Because in some ways, it is.  And that client is the most important one you have, so make that time non-negotiable!

With time, practice and discipline, your boundaries can become the tool you need to make for a more healthy, vibrant, cup-filled you! 

xoxo

Dawn